09 Tree

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Originally uploaded by heathersews

WELCOME 2010!

So the first day of the New Year is my little ones birthday-9 is fine!


With the holidays over and the kids back to school it is time for me to reflect on how to go about implementing the changes. One of my biggest downfalls is that I don't like to spend money -even when I need to.. like the fact that having a dedicated "pretty" file box would help with the paper piles! So I headed over to Target and got one- not even terribly expensive! I also picked up an ornament organizer- so nice! I tend to believe that I have something I can re purpose into a container for getting -staying organized, when the reality is it rarely happens.


My plans for classes were way laid by the school cancelling the class for January which created an avalanche of issues. I planned to be in school the entire month of January and starting the new long term sub job in February... I am coming to realize as soon as I make a plan, it... not disintegrates, but morphs into another plan. I will be calling the school today to see if the other campus has the class- or sign up for spring- which leads into either childcare- leading to a loan- or possibly online. If the stars align properly then I can switch locations and still be good for the month of January.

broken

Well crappers! I left the camera in my car- it was cold- i thought it was the battery but new battery and... still not working so... crappers I say! But I leave with many objectives today: I must study for the final in my class Tuesday night;finish the quilt top for nephews gift;cut out five bags! from here: http://greenbaglady.blogspot.com/ If I can figure out the rest of how to link I will!

Catch up

So I am back to the unemployed status. I am using this time to get caught up on some things I neglected. I think sometimes people have NO clue about how hard it is to be a single parent of two. The ex is in FL and has seen the kiddos 2x since August. I hav eone more class to take and then all the paperwork to turn in to try to get a job teaching- maybe this year some people will retire.

Kiddos will be with Ex for Turkey day. My heart broke when little one said "I hope dad doesn't buy us fried chicken for thanksgiving dinner" . Divorce is right up there next to death of a parent in terms of devastation.

While trying to catch up on the two owed blocks- little one appliqued a tree, alone!

judgement

I am having to make some tough decisions. I can not afford to live where we live right now. Unfortunately, the schools where we can afford are NOT good. I may have to make some decision I dont want to make. I dont feel comfortable giving voice to that choices right now- but ... I will never again look the same way at being a parent.

We did it!

I am working on my mountain of laundry, but I wanted to pop in. We Made It! thorught the first week of school. Some of you know that I have been a stay at hoem mom for -well since J was born in 8/99.I have had PT jobs but nothing that required me to put my kids in daycare or the like. POST big "D" I need to go back to teaching, I tried for two years to get a job in some other field that pays better but the lack of history (um... stay at home mom does NOT fill a resume lol) I took a job at the MD zoo- but that was during school hours.

This week was challenging. The little one is in no way a mornign person so the 6 a.m. alarm is very, well, alarming.
We managed after some small bumps in the road. Like the daycare NOT having her listed the first day. YIKES!
I am secretly lovign being back in the class room. It isn't my class- I am only a long term sub til November when the regular teacher comes back from maternity with twins. Things happen and this is a great way for me to discover if I want to be back.
Both J and C like their teachers and are planning for a great year. J started soccer and C missed field hockey! I think being on a team the next town over is NOT the best idea. Next year we are definitely going to have to pick closer.
I also think I may have to speak to some people about J's handwriting. It will be a problem for him if this continues and each teacher has seemed to dismiss it as his laziness but I really dont think that is it.
Confession: I finally GET the serenity prayer. I'd be a liar if I thought I understood all along but now I have a better understanding.
Several times this week I thought"this being so hard is all his fault" . It was hard, very hard. But my choices right now are limited. Clarity on some issues is beginning.I can't change that he isn't here to help, I can't change that he doesn't want to be married, I can't change that he is so awful with finances that it creates bad situations for him, I can't change that he is selfish. But I can change my attitude (thank you Victor Frankel).A few times this week I thought"this would be so much easier if he were here. But then I remembered I was romanticizing his involvement. He wasn't really present-a partner. Nope, not him. I think my kids haven't had the most difficult of times b/c for them the erson they depended on is still here every day showing up. He can make it A OK for him by telling himself he isn't as bad as xy or z father, at the end the kids know who to turn to.
I am so proud of the kids for this past week. J has been fantastic in the mornings and C is trying VERY hard. I love em!

I got this baby at a second hand store! I took it in and had it serviced and now I can't wait to get into it. I might be able to get Kerie's blovk finished! Im running a bit late with that. I think this is a 15-91 based on some research I was able to do. She's not rusty at all and I am ever so excited- $40.00 well spent.