Saturday, September 19, 2009


I am having to make some tough decisions. I can not afford to live where we live right now. Unfortunately, the schools where we can afford are NOT good. I may have to make some decision I dont want to make. I dont feel comfortable giving voice to that choices right now- but ... I will never again look the same way at being a parent.

Sunday, September 6, 2009

We did it!

I am working on my mountain of laundry, but I wanted to pop in. We Made It! thorught the first week of school. Some of you know that I have been a stay at hoem mom for -well since J was born in 8/99.I have had PT jobs but nothing that required me to put my kids in daycare or the like. POST big "D" I need to go back to teaching, I tried for two years to get a job in some other field that pays better but the lack of history (um... stay at home mom does NOT fill a resume lol) I took a job at the MD zoo- but that was during school hours.

This week was challenging. The little one is in no way a mornign person so the 6 a.m. alarm is very, well, alarming.
We managed after some small bumps in the road. Like the daycare NOT having her listed the first day. YIKES!
I am secretly lovign being back in the class room. It isn't my class- I am only a long term sub til November when the regular teacher comes back from maternity with twins. Things happen and this is a great way for me to discover if I want to be back.
Both J and C like their teachers and are planning for a great year. J started soccer and C missed field hockey! I think being on a team the next town over is NOT the best idea. Next year we are definitely going to have to pick closer.
I also think I may have to speak to some people about J's handwriting. It will be a problem for him if this continues and each teacher has seemed to dismiss it as his laziness but I really dont think that is it.
Confession: I finally GET the serenity prayer. I'd be a liar if I thought I understood all along but now I have a better understanding.
Several times this week I thought"this being so hard is all his fault" . It was hard, very hard. But my choices right now are limited. Clarity on some issues is beginning.I can't change that he isn't here to help, I can't change that he doesn't want to be married, I can't change that he is so awful with finances that it creates bad situations for him, I can't change that he is selfish. But I can change my attitude (thank you Victor Frankel).A few times this week I thought"this would be so much easier if he were here. But then I remembered I was romanticizing his involvement. He wasn't really present-a partner. Nope, not him. I think my kids haven't had the most difficult of times b/c for them the erson they depended on is still here every day showing up. He can make it A OK for him by telling himself he isn't as bad as xy or z father, at the end the kids know who to turn to.
I am so proud of the kids for this past week. J has been fantastic in the mornings and C is trying VERY hard. I love em!