Sunday, July 26, 2009


NOw I dont get too many weekends and with my current lack of employment- hoping ot remedy that soon- I am trying to stay on budget and also have some single- girl time. This Saturday I went out with my friend and we were able to avoid the hotel issue by staying with her brother and his wife.
The reason this is even important is (other than the entire day to recover) is that it is hard to watch someone who does not appear to be happy in their marriage. Maybe once you've been down that road and you have th eability to look back things that perhaps were once overlooked become glaringly obvious. Things that people don't often notice- but a lack of touching or heck even polite conversation, or ANY conversation is a pretty big key. It is painful to watch and yet- these two being virtually unknown by me, certainly wouldn't listen to what I have to say. There were some ackward moments, tense moments in the car, and some unsolicitated opinions offered. Some times, in my post divorce wisdom, I want to scream out "this is the small stuff- dont sweat this" b/c really so much is just about being "right" and not to beat a dead horse but Dr.Phil has nailed- would you rather be right or happy?
There is a beautiful thing to surrender that need for "right" to be able to duck under that wave and just ride it.
Often in my dealings with my MR.X I have had to learn to bite my tongue, take the high road, and basically just surrender to the lack of control I have over MOST of it. There are days when my anger gets the better of me and the vile taste of fear creeps in and I think I can't do this.. but then..some small little voice reminds me that I am doing it and mostly doing a good job.

Saturday, July 25, 2009

Time flies- when it rains it pours

so... the little one take an ambu ride to get 7 stitches.the ex told me he is moving back to Florida and then I got a ticket for a brake light out.For some reason I though tit would be a good idea to babysit my 2 year old neice for 3 days, follow that up with a transport of a rescue dog, then babysit my neighbors- not-yet-housebroken- puppy.
Say "NO" much? apparently not. And the fighting continued with the phone/internet company, then to be followed up with a well known fitness center b/c I unknowingly signed my two elementary aged children up for 3 (!!!) years (!!!) of karate.
So this weekend the kids are with the ex. I am supposed to go to Annapolis with my friend and stay over night at her brothers house. I love hanging out with her. She is fun and smart, sometimes I feel like I am not a good friend to her b/c I say things that are meant to be funny and it hurts her feelings. I am planning on curbing that. I am very aware of how men react to her b/c my own atractivenes is suffering. Since the last year in Florida until today I've put on about 40 lbs. I thought joining a gym woudl help but my kids are too old to go into their "childcare" area. So... I better get my butt on th epavement. I tried running thi sspring and that's when I ended up in ER with severe sciatica. So since I have no insurance I think I need to walk, and walk and walk. in fact I better go put on some shoes and mow the grass- that counts as exercise right?